I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wear drunk well.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
