U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
