i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
