I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
