So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
