I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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