he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
