i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is it penis luge time yet?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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