just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
