barbara walters just said penis...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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