U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i've created a new STD.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
