i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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