My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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