hotel room ftw
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
