why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
