I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
