Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
