im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
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It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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