i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
