So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My life is pants optional.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize