me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
