Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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