i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
