I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
