i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
