ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Randomize
