I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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