Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
