I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm both gender and math confused
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