Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
