Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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