She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
