sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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