I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
