If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
