I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
