every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
