if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
