She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
this just has baby written all over it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
