I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
