Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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