I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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