whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
