saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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