i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
