Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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