Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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