girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
