the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
