They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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