you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
