well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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