My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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