Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
