I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize