Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
