he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
