im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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