Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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