Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
