just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
