i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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