4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
