Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
