I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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