Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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