there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
