I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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