Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
