i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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