i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
