I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
