i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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